A Long-Expected Blog Post

It's been a long while since I posted. My excuses are numerous, though only one excuse is a very good one. I thought that I had posted a couple of times since my last post. It is clear to me now that this is not the case.

My internship is over and school has begun. This summer was difficult in so many ways. It was tough, and I have decided that hospital chaplaincy is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. As an introvert it was especially trying. Chaplaincy is so emotionally draining in nature and with my personality added into the mix, it was exhausting. By the end of the summer I left work every day feeling like I was on people overload. All I wanted to do was sequester myself in my room and escape from people. That being said, I learned so much and grew immensely this summer. As difficult as it was, I know that this was a summer well-spent. Today I am a much more confident person. Someone even mentioned this to me the other day after I read scripture in Bible chapel.

I am now two weeks into the first semester of my senior year. I think it will be a good semester and I am looking forward to most of my classes. I am contemplating finishing up the requirements for the Honors Program (look Mom, I spelled honor with a 'u'). Completing this is a daunting task, but I don't think it's one that I'm incapable of.

The Joel Osteen Experience

This morning I attended a mega-church worship service for the first time. Actually, we headed over to the largest congregation in the United States. Lakewood Church seats almost 17,000 and, this morning, was around 3/4 full. Joel Osteen spoke this morning on Signs of God's Favour. He is a very engaging speaker and enjoyable to listen to. Lakewood is a charismatic church and much of it's teachings conform to the prosperity gospel, though they call their teaching "Word of Faith," which is actually slightly different.

My first impressions made it hard to take the church seriously. There are rock formations with waterfalls on either side of the stage and the stage rises to bring the band to the center. Fog machines enhance the effects of the lighting and the people in the large choir were colour-coordinated. The opening song proclaimed "Thanks be to God, who always causes us to win." These are not words that I feel comfortable singing.

After this morning, I have very mixed feelings. These people, and there are thousands of them, truly believe in what they are saying. I think that many of them have more faith than in God I do, though I would argue that the God they have faith in is not exactly the God of Scripture. Joel Osteen has experienced miracles and witnessed signs that I never have. Is this because he has more faith? Or is it because he is more attentive to God's movement, always looking for it? Or is it simply because he is more gullible?

My automatic reaction to charismatics is skepticism. I think a better response would be a desire to learn more. What is the truth in it? Are there things that I could learn and grow from? Because the answer is probably yes.

Not a great picture, but it gives you some idea of how large this place actually is.

Past Two Weeks in Review

I'm back! And I don't even know where to start, because it's been a while since I've posted. So, just get ready for a small whirlwind of description.

We've had a ton of rain here lately. In the past thirty days, Houston has seen almost 14 inches. We had two different days with six inches of rain in one day. I thought the drainage system in Abilene was bad, but it has nothing on Houston. The roads get absolutely horrible when it rains. It's not very pleasant to drive in. I was probably one of about three people in Houston hoping the hurricane would hit us instead of somewhere else, as I've never gone through a hurricane before. But alas, we just had to put up with half a foot of rain.

I went to my aunt and uncle's for the 4th. I had a lot of fun playing with my cousins and chatting with family. I'm thankful that I have them here and they are willing to open up their home for me. We watched fireworks on TV, which was new for me. The Macy's and Boston Pop's shows were both fairly fantastic. The fireworks music medley was interesting, however - Black Eyed Peas juxtaposed with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The finale was set to music from Spirit, which really made everything worth it.

One of my fellow interns made sopapilla cheesecake the other day. She got the recipe from someone else and the proportions may have been a little bit off. In fact, the cream cheese and the sugar proportions were switched. Instead of putting in 2 packages of cream cheese and 1 cup of sugar, she put in 1 package of cream cheese and 2 1/2 cups of sugar! Instead of 1/2 a cup of butter, she put in 1 1/2 cups of butter. I have never had a dessert so sweet or rich in my life.

This past weekend we had some fun adventures, going to Galveston and to the Houston Zoo. I was proud of myself for driving us to Galveston and back. I even did it without looking at directions every five minutes. I wish we could have spent more time out at the beach, but it was also a very hot day. I was also recovering from several days of being sick. On Sunday, Karen and I went to the zoo for her birthday. It was fun, but extremely hot. This, of course, also meant that most of the animals were just laying around trying to get cool.

Very soon I'll post something that's more reflection and less description of activities. Get ready!

Edward Cullen as a Christ Figure?

As any teenage girl in the United States knows, the Twilight Saga: Eclipse came out yesterday. No, I did not wait in line dresses as a vampire at a midnight showing. In fact, chances are I'll wait for the DVD to come out at Redbox before I view it.

Today I was flipping through a magazine* when I came across this advertisement:

I feel I should begin by saying that I have not read this book and therefore any conjectures of mine are independent from this work. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for books about God. I think it's great to look for God amidst popular culture. I support finding themes and representations of Biblical images in all areas of life. I even approve of reading books like Twilight and drawing whatever moral conclusions are possible from it's pages (though I would argue that a book like Twilight is best used for it's entertainment value). All of that being said, I'm not sure I can support the comparison of Edward to Christ.

Okay, so they both will live forever and both love unconditionally - though Edward only loves one person in this way. And I suppose Edward sacrificed himself for Bella, though once again he's only thinking of one single person. In other words, Edward is selfish. This is probably what gets me the most. He's also a blood-thirsty vampire who has to constantly overcome his nature (i.e. his desire to eat people) in order to even associate with humans. I feel like Edward's abandonment of Bella is also very problematic if he is a Christ figure. I will close out this post by pointing out Bellas extremely unhealthy attachment to and dependency on Edward.

*Christian Century, May 4, 2010

Jesus Loves the Little Children

The last night at Camp Star Trails is the the closing ceremony. Everyone gathers around a campfire and sings a little. Each child makes a wish and each cabin creates an object to represent these wishes and to throw into the fire. Of course, many people's wishes were for a brother or sister's cancer to go away or for cancer to disappear from the world. As each object is put into the fire, a candle is lit. These candles are put onto a star, which then floats down the lake. The campfire concludes with a fireworks show and popsicles.

Each girl in my cabin had a stick to represent her wish. The precious six-year-old with me was trying to decide what to wish for.

This little girl turned to me and said, "I wish that God would come down here to be with us."

Such a beautiful wish from such a beautiful child! After we threw our sticks into the fire she turned to me again, asking what the glowing things around the fire were. I explained that they were sparks and that the fire made them.

"Oh," she responded. "So the sparks are our wishes and they're flying up to God." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

"Yes. I think that's exactly what they are."

Children's minds are so imaginative, so perceptive and so beautiful.

A Nice Day for a Swim

It's hot and I'm sweaty and tired. A dip in the pool sounds lovely right  about now. Maybe an ice cream as well.

You Know You're Tired When... [Part 2]

You know you're tired when you try to fit yourself into a laundry bag.

This is the second installment of what is apparently becoming a new series. It was late one night - well, in reality it was only 10:20, but it sure felt late - and all of the girls were in bed. Karen and I were just chatting when a thought crossed my mind: I think I can crawl into my laundry bag. I proceeded to it and Karen followed suit. Once I had maneuvered my entire body into the bag, I realized just exactly what I was doing.

We got back today from Camp Star Trails. The week was fantastic, but also completely and utterly exhausting. We go, go, go all day. I had a cabin of nine 6-year-old girls. They were incredibly sweet and an incredible handful. It also meant that after long days full of activities, us counselors had long nights. Most nights we weren't able to sleep through the night because of kids sleepwalking, moaning, crying, falling out of bed, needing to change pull-ups, etc.

Our long actually began as soon as we left Houston, as it took us almost four hours to drive from Houston to the camp. This trip only took us an hour and a half coming back. I wish I could say that traffic slowed us down, but alas, it was missing our exits. Did you catch the plural there? We missed multiple exits. The first time we actually drove an hour past our exit. It was a long drive, though it thankfully included a pit-stop at Sonic.

I will post again soon with some of the highlights of camp.

Camp Star Trails

It’s been a long, hot week. The air conditioning went out and so, after spending one night in 90 degree heat and the next night curled up on couches and on the floor, we a couple of nights at the Rebman’s home. It was a welcome relief from the extreme heat outside and, unfortunately, inside.

I have been continuously struck by the generosity of all of the people who I come in contact with. It seems everyone is always looking out for ways to serve us (us being the interns). I am surrounded by people who are truly modeling the way of Christ and living their lives in service. I am so blessed to be able to witness this hospitality and to be a recipient.

We had yesterday off, and today we’ll head to camp for the week. I’m looking forward to spending time with kids again. I've never been a camp counselor before, though, so I'm sure it will be an experience. Camp Star Trails is run through MD Anderson and is a camp for children with cancer and their siblings.

Not too Far from Here

On Wednesday we headed over to MD Anderson to participate in the chaplain's weekly devotional. It was a good time of prayer and a fun time of singing. The chaplain who led the devo sang a song that really touched me. It speaks so directly to my work this summer, even addressing my fear of talking to new people.

Somebody's down to their last dime

Somebody's running out of time

Not too far from here

Somebody's got nowhere else to go

Somebody needs a little hope

Not too far from here

And I may not know their name

But I'm praying just the same

That you'll use me, Lord

To wipe away the tears

Cause somebody's crying

Not too far from here

Somebody's troubled and confused

Somebody's got nothing left to lose

Not too far from here

Somebody's forgotten how to trust

And somebody's dying for love

Not too far from here

It may be a stranger's face

But I'm praying for your grace

To move in me

And take away the fear

Cause somebody's hurting

Not too far from here

Help me, Lord

Not to turn away from pain

Help me not to rest

While those around me weep

Give me your strength and compassion

When somebody finds

The road of life too steep

You Know You're Tired When...

You know you’re tired when the doctors at the elevators notice and try to diagnose you.

Apparently I just looked really tired today, because I had a doctor approach me asking me if I was really tired. I told him yes, and he said my eyelids were drooping. He proceeded to ask me questions about how long I had felt that way, if it was a regular occurrence, etc. Unfortunately he had to get out of the elevator before he could fully diagnose me. I think in this case I can diagnose myself, however: not enough sleep and not enough coffee.

I only had three patients on my list today, so it was a short day visiting. I got a lot of reading done and a verbatim written. It's nice to be productive anyway.

I also discovered, along with several other of the hospital staff, that some of the elevators in St. Luke's are "child-proof". At least that's what someone said. Only four of the buttons can be pressed at one time. When that fifth button is pressed, all of them are canceled. We worked out a system by pressing the lower floor numbers first, and only pressing the higher numbers once some people had stepped off. It seems the elevators may be adult-proof too.

A Quiet Day with the Pagers

I step into the office to begin my long day, an 8-5 shift on call. My two pagers are burning hot, a constant reminder of my task. I'm waiting, impatiently, for the inevitable. For me, this may actually be the most difficult part - waiting, just sitting here unknowing. I like to know what's going on, and when. But the minutes turn into hours. It seems my shadowing actually prepared me perfectly for my day on call. 4:55 rolls around and I sit down with my supervisor to tell him about my day.

"It's been a quiet day," I explain. "I haven't had a single call."

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

And here we go, five minutes before it's time for me to leave. Luckily, at least at this point, it's not the code blue pager. I call the extension only to discover that a Catholic woman wants communion. I fill out a referral card and hand over the pagers.

And that was my excessively exciting day. Apparently if you have to be in a hospital, it should be while I am on call. You won't die or code.

As can happen when you have nine hours to sit around, I did a lot of reading and thinking today. In my reading I came across Psalm 27:1. I wear the first part of this verse on my finger every day, "The Lord is my light and my salvation." Beautiful words and a magnificent reminder. But I think I skip over the second half - "whom shall I fear?" I live my life in fear! I am terrified of so many things. Sometimes I feel like fear defines me. How sad.

Is this evidence of my lack of faith in God? Why can't I just let go and trust him? How do I entrust my life to God and what does this entail?

God,

Grant me peace when all I can understand is turmoil.

Grant me strength when all I can see are my failures.

Grant me comfort when all I can feel is darkness.

Grant me life when all I can fathom is death.

Help me to walk forward in your name when all I want to do is sit back where it's safe and comfortable.

On a lighter note, I think Houston turned into a sauna last night. Seriously, I stepped outside and could literally see the moisture in the air. It wasn't fog, just 700% humidity. It's how I image the rainforest.

Whether it Rains

Today was once again filled with rain and thunder, but only after a sweltering morning. I keep thinking I'll go for a swim in the afternoon, but then it ends up storming. Of course, you almost don't need a pool to swim here, since the humidity is so high.

These past two weeks have been exhausting but good. Most of my visits have been unremarkable. I do not mean that they have been bad, just that most have not been exceptionally deep or meaningful either. Nevertheless, I have noticed the change in demeanor of people who I visit more frequently. I am slowly getting to know some of these long-term patients, just as they are beginning to know and trust me.

It seems that I have the most interesting visits with people, more so than my other interns. I talked to an older woman last week who, once I convinced her that I wasn't an insurance saleswoman, would randomly interject "You're just so beautiful" or "You're a wonderful woman of God" into the conversation.

Meeting multiple new people every day is tough and stressful. It takes a lot of effort on my part and for some reason I hadn't realized that I have to push past my fear of talking to people every single day, multiple times a day. As I recorded my numbers on the statistic sheet, I realized that a beautiful thing has happened: I have talked to a lot of people. If you know me, you probably realize how hard this is for me and how proud I am of myself for doing it.

Tomorrow I'll be the on-call chaplain at MD Anderson. Essentially, this means that I am the first responder to any code blues or deaths that occur. I will admit that I am terrified about this.

Talking about the rain and my day tomorrow made me think of a song we sing in the four's class sometimes.

Whether it rains, whether it pours

Wherever I go, I will trust you Lord

In the light of day, in the dark of night

I will trust you Lord, with all of my life

For my hope is where you are

I'm not very good at trusting, but I'm pretty good at worrying.I have so much anxiety and it's so difficult to let go of it.

Houston Driving Tips

So, as it turns out I have the only car that can easily/ safely/ affordably carry all four interns. As such, I am essentially the designated driver. Having driven around Houston for three weeks, I have compiled a handy little list of tips for driving in Houston.

1. Don't.

2. Avoid 610 at rush hour. If possible, avoid driving altogether during rush hour.

3. People in Houston don't seem to like using turn signals. They change lanes at will and you may never know if someone is about to merge into your lane or when they will do it.

4. Houston streets change name frequently at random intervals.

5. No matter how slowly the traffic on the interstate is moving, it is probably still your best option. Choosing to stay on the feeder road will likely mean you run into construction and closed roads. You may even end up lost.

6. Many streets downtown are one-way. However, not all will be clearly labeled "one-way." Therefore, if all of the cars parked on the street are facing one direction, it is recommended that you only drive in said direction.

7. Be aware of the many curbs in Houston. I've checked them for you, so I can assure you that they are indeed here and in good working order.

8. If you drive the carpool car, you can park it wherever you want. This is especially handy when it's pouring outside and you park in the garage connected to your own building. Everyone else will get to enjoy walking in the rain while you sit in a cozy, dry lobby.

9. Expect driving time to increase exponentially the closer to rush hour that you are driving.

10. If you rely on other people as navigators, you can always blame them when you get lost. Of course, it helps if one of them magically has a map of the Houston road system in his head.

11. Roundabouts are particularly delightful if you drive around them more than once, preferably three or four times. Hopefully after that you will have figured out which street is which and which one you want.

So the next time you're driving in Houston, you can learn from my experiences and refer to my tips.

Miscommunication Humour

This weekend I'll update everyone on my last week or so in Houston. For now, however, I'll share a short little anecdote that illustrates the problems of miscommunication.

I went in to visit a patient this week who wasn't feeling well at all. She was somewhat incoherent and had a difficult time understanding me, even though I talked slowly and loudly. After she told me of her woes, I asked if she would like me to pray. When I said this she froze.

"What did you say?" she asked, with an air of incredulity. I repeated myself, as clearly as possible.

"Oh. Yes, please." She responded. She paused a moment and then let me know, "I thought you said you were gay."

At this, her husband burst out laughing and continued chuckling through the rest of our visit. At least I made someone's day just a little brighter.

A Little Disappointment

Okay, so today was not nearly as intense or helpful as I was thinking it might be. First of all, the woman we spent the day with was not actually on-call. This meant we weren't able to see the pagers and stuff when a call came through. Though the on-call chaplain did call us to one death, we weren't able to actually see anything. In other words, I am no more prepared for my on-call shift than I was before these five hours of shadowing.

We spent the time doing a scavenger hunt. This was actually somewhat amusing and would have been impossible to do without help. For example, one instruction read "Where does the door. Elevator E (2nd floor) immediately to the left of Bin 9 lead you?" What was really meant by this? "On the 2nd floor, go left from elevator E and look directly to the right of mailbox 9."

One other amusing incident occurred during our little scavenger hunt. We were walking behind a nurse and older man who were behind to Muslim women.

"They speak terrible Spanish" the man confided to the nurse.

"That's because they're speaking Arabic" she replied. Jess and I got pretty tickled at this and couldn't stop laughing.

So anyway, the day was not all that I hoped for it to be. I suppose not every day will be, though.

Oh yeah, I did get to enjoy second breakfast this morning. The chaplains at Anderson were having their employee appreciation breakfast. Though I had already eaten breakfast, who am I to pass up free, yummy food. Plus, I've always wanted to eat "second breakfast."

Striking Out on My Own

Well, I just finished my first solo shift at the hospital. I managed to successfully find my way around both hospitals, only asking for directions once. I had a very short day, as most of my patients today were very tired. However, if I were to divide the time I spent evenly, I actually spent the average amount of time (7-9 minutes) with each patient. Perhaps I didn't do so badly time-wise after all.

I wish that more of my time could be spent in Texas Children's. The prospect of working with children seems particularly rewarding. However, TCH does not separate out their Church of Christ patients from other Christian denominations, so the only way Lifeline visits someone there is if we receive a referral. These don't happen all that frequently, though, so most of my patients will be in St. Luke's. I saw a wide variety of people today, from the not-yet-born (I made a stop in Labor and Delivery) to the very aged, from people who had just been discharged to people who were admitted months and months ago. It is so true that you never know quite what will be behind each door.

I had a good experience with a nurse today. Just as I was about to enter a room, she asked if she could help me. I told here that I was a chaplain and she exclaimed "Oh, thank you so, so much." I could literally see the relief on her face. It's always nice to know that my presence is appreciated, by patients, their families and the hospital staff.

Tomorrow we'll do some more on-call training and Wes and I will spend the afternoon shadowing the person who will be on-call. I am hoping to learn a lot through this process. I am also anticipating the possibility of a heavy day, so pray for me in those regards.

Week One

I'm sitting down with the rest of the ladies in this house to watch the Bachelorette. We even convinced Fielding to join us! I can tell you, this is a fun show to watch with friends and laugh at with each other.

I'm one week into my internship, and it's already been both good and stressful. We've worked out a little routine and Jess and I get up to drink our coffee and watch the news every morning. We were watching the Today show the other day and in tears over a reunion over a man and the gorilla he raised. I guess that's one sign that you're tired and stressed!

It’s interesting to me how simultaneously disorienting and orienting a week can be. I feel both reassured and lost. Thankfully, the lostness is largely physical. The task of discovering my way around not only one large hospital but also two others is daunting. On the other hand, I feel much more clarity regarding my tasks and purposes this summer. While I do not feel like an expert by any mean, I do think I understand what is going on. I am reassured that I can to do this. Interestingly enough, an event only indirectly connected to the internship itself has helped with this. I don’t like to drive and avoid the highways in Abilene, because they scare me. Here I am in Houston, where the feeder roads have six lanes, and I’m driving. My success in driving, trivial as it is, has led me to realize that I often place artificial limitations on myself. To be successful in this internship, and in life in general, I must recognize the limitations that I invent for myself. My introversion and lack of confidence hold me back as I let these control me and limit my ministry to others. Becoming more confident in driving helped me to realize this.

I have made several visits last week and today, shadowing Paul. He's been showing us the ropes and providing us with an example to follow. I was going to make a visit on my own today, but when we got to the patient's room, they had been moved. Oh well, I suppose I'll strike out on my own tomorrow instead.

The Frombergs are back in town and we're glad to be able to spend some time with them. Of course, we're also glad that they brought us biscotti. And that Flossie grilled a delicious leg of lamb for dinner this evening.

I also attended a beautiful wedding this weekend. Actually, I was in it. One of my best friends, Stacie, was married to a wonderful guy on Saturday. Stacie was a beautiful bride, and the wedding was very simple and lovely. She was the first of our group of friends to get married, but I suppose we're entering that stage of our lives. Crazy! By the way, I cut the groom's cake at the reception and let me tell you, my pieces were perfect.

I'll try to update this space more often from here on out. I'm hoping to start posting more frequently, though the posts may be shorter blurbs. That will be easier to read anyway, right?

"See you in another life, brotha."

I feel like this particular quote of LOST's Desmond says a lot about the entire show itself. This show, probably my favourite show, ended earlier this evening. The series finale was very LOSTesque - confusing, intriguing and beautiful. I have always loved the wonderful character development of this show. I feel this is something that sets LOST apart from many of the other shows out there today. The finale once again highlighted the importance of relationships and self-discovery.

What am I still confused about? Lots of things. What is the light at the center of the island? Whatever happened to Walt and why had he seemed so important? What's the meaning behind those now-famous numbers? I suppose part of the point is that these things are not the important things. It was, ultimately, a show about redemption. The characters' lostness on the island reflected their inward spiritual and emotional lostness. I do think that this message is a powerful one.

Nevertheless, I was confused about some of the more important things as well. As far as I could tell, the island was some sort of purgatory. However, I was unclear on when everyone died, and what that was all about. Hopefully I'll get some of these answers eventually.

I'll get a real post up soon, for those of you who actually want to know about what I'm doing this summer. Believe it or not, I do understand that the world does not revolve around LOST.

Instrument of Peace

Today is, in one sense, my first day on the job. I'll be working through the badging process and getting acquainted with my hospitals and the people there. Nevertheless, I will be an agent of God on the halls of the hospitals beginning today. I prayed for God's peace last night and for confidence. Sometimes others have already put words to my thoughts in a way that I cannot. Therefore, my prayer is that of St. Francis.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

As I pray this, I beseech those who read this to pray it with me, and for me. Pray that I am God's instrument of peace this summer, bringing light to those who so desperately need it.

A Short Respite

Our workshop is completed and we have the day off today. We're all very thankful for this short respite. One of the teachers at the workshop sounds like the Sheriff of Nottingham in Disney's Robin Hood. I thought that was pretty great. The most of unfortunate part is how similar the workshop is to the counseling class I've taken.

Though much of what we did was a repeat of my counseling class, I certainly still learned things. Perhaps the biggest thing I learned was just how importance presence is. In fact, we are told that just being there is the most important part of chaplaincy. We are to go into a room and listen. This is encouraging, since that is one of the reasons that I chose this internship. I feel that I am a good listener, and have always had people confiding in me. I know that this will come in handy over this summer.

Along with the workshop we've had some fun as well. The Frombergs are absolutely fantastic and pretty hilarious as well. I know we're all going to have a ton of fun together. Yesterday evening we headed out to Morgan's Point for some jazz and fellowshipping. We had a great time just relaxing and wading in the bay.

I Made It

I'm sure everyone is wondering, so I'll let you know that I made it. Yes, I made it through Houston in one piece. Once again, I feel accomplished because of this small feat. I also feel a little better because I was not the only intern who was completely terrified while driving across one million lanes of traffic.

Just as I had been told, the Frombergs are a sweet and awesome couple. The other two girl interns are staying at their house along with me. I'm looking forward to developing a relationship with them and their granddaughter, who is living here this summer.

Our workshop, Creating a Healing Community, began last night and and will stretch on from 9 to 9 today. Hmmm, that reminds me of a little shop in Oxford. At least all of our meals today are provided, which is pretty fantastic.

The rain, which started coming down not long after six yesterday, has let up. It seems this respite will be short-lived as another band of storms is closing in. On the bright side, the rain seems to cut through the humidity. Only as long as it is actually raining, though. After that it seems to be even worse.

Houston

Until today, the biggest city I'd ever driven in was Abilene. Today, however, I successfully navigated my way through Houston. Woohoo! Is it bad that I'm proud of myself for driving through Houston? Because I am. My awesome mom drove down with me, so I must admit that I did have help navigating. Tomorrow I'll drive all around Houston by myself, so we'll see how that goes. We ate dinner at T-Bone Tom's, a fun little steakhouse. It was featured on Food Network's Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. The "armadillo eggs" were particularly tasty!

I'll be interning here in Houston for the next three months. My internship is with Lifeline Chaplaincy and I begin tomorrow. While I am still somewhat unclear on what this summer will look like, I do know that I will be in classes in the morning and doing visitations in the afternoons.

This weekend begins a crazy 17-hour intensive workshop. I think it will be really good and very helpful. However, I also think they call it "intensive" for a reason. I'm looking forward to getting to know my host family and the other interns. To be honest, I'm completely terrified about this summer. It's no secret that I'm a homebody who doesn't really like change and prefers small towns. This will be an adventure, and I suppose I'm not exactly unfamiliar with those. I know that I will grow so much and I am excited to see how I am transformed these next few months.

Anticipating the 2010 Kentucky Derby

It's the first Saturday in May, so I'm naturally in front of my television and tuned in to coverage of the 136th Kentucky Derby. Other than the Breeder's Cup, the Triple Crown races are the only horse races that I get to see each year. Like every year before, my dream is still to witness a the winning of the Triple Crown. It's been an awfully long time. In fact, this is the longest it's been between wins since Sir Barton won the three races back in 1919.

This year, there's no horse that stands out from the rest of the field. I think my money right now is on Sidney's Candy. He has a good record, including his win in the Santa Anita Handicap. Pedigree's not too shabby either, with names like Northern Dancer and Bold Ruler and Secretariat on his sire's side. Unfortunately Sidney's Candy may struggle to overcome a poor post position, especially on today's incredibly sloppy track. And of course, any horse guided by Calvin Borel shouldn't be discounted.

My other dream is to someday attend the Kentucky Derby myself. Last summer I made it to the Lonestar Horse Park in the metroplex and attended my first race with one of my best friends. It was a fantastic experience. The grace, beauty, power and majesty of those powerful thoroughbreds is awe-inspiring. I am ready attend another race, perhaps a graded stakes race this time.

This is Where I Belong

Sadly, today was my last day of horseback riding this semester. I'm in the Horses and Horsemanship class and we go out and ride for two hours every week. Because of our abnormally wet and cold winter, our lab was cancelled more than I would have liked for it be. Nevertheless, I have thoroughly enjoyed this class. We were each assigned a horse for the semester and I have been riding a sorrel mare named Hissy.

Today was incredibly windy, at least out at the barn. The ride was beautiful and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron came to my head. As the wind whipped across the plain, I truly felt that I could hear it calling my name, as this Bryan Adam's song so beautifully depicts.

I hear the wind across the plain

A sound so strong - that calls my name

It's wild like the river - it's warm like the sun

Ya it's here - this is where I belong

Under the starry skies - where eagles have flown

This place is paradise - it's the place I call home

The moon on the mountains

The whisper through the trees

The waves on the water

Let nothing come between this and me

Cause everything I want - is everything that's here

And when we're all together - there's nothing to fear

And wherever I wander - the one thing I've learned

It's to here - I will always ... always return

I think God breaks through at the most interesting times and places. I never expected to meet him so concretely this afternoon out on the windblown trails outside of Abilene. I felt as if I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that particular moment. I had such an incredible feeling of peace and contentment. This is where I belong. Of course, part of this feeling is my simple joy at being on a horse. Another part is the fact that I was out in nature, the place where God is always most visible to me. Most profoundly, however, I was struck by the truth that where I belong is in the presence of God.

I Wonder...

Sometimes I wonder how you can tell the difference between God shutting doors and Satan putting up roadblocks.

Spring Break 2010

I spent Spring Break in Colorado with three amazing young women. We headed to Paonia, CO, and stayed with one of the girl's family. It was a fantastic trip and we made it even more fantastic by creating a video of our week.

I call it "Dancing Across Colorado".

In the Face Of ...

In class on Sunday morning we had an interesting discussion about Michael Sattler. He was an Anabaptist leader who was eventually martyred for his beliefs. He believed certain truths and practices to be so core to the Christian faith that he would not abandon them in the face of death.

Of course, the question was raised: what practices would you refuse to give up, even when faced with persecution and death. A multitude of answers were given: communing with the church, evangelism, service to the poor, baptism, the Lord's Supper, prayer, and the list goes on, slightly different for different people.

In the face of death, I will not recant.

And yet.

What will we give up, so easily, in the face of busyness and stress?

In the face of schoolwork, I have witnessed a multitude of people give up church. In the face of essays I give up meditation. In the face of so many of these sorts of things, we give up Christ. And we say we would rather die than turn our backs on our faith?

We must follow Jesus regardless of the circumstances. For many of us in North America, this does not mean in the face of death and torturous persecution. Rather, we must practice the way of the Kingdom in the face of busyness, schoolwork, friends and stress. It is interesting, and perhaps telling, how difficult that seems to be.