All Woods Must Fail

"O! Wanderers in the shadowed land

despair not! For though dark they stand,

all woods there be must end at last,

and see the open sun go past:

the setting sun, the rising sun,

the day's end or the day begun.

For east or west all woods must fail ..."

and light shine through the wooded vale.

Sometimes I cannot see beyond.

It's dark ahead, the journey long,

but even in the darkest night

the stars are high and shine so bright.

For beauty stretches on and on.

The Shadow cannot touch the sun.

For east or west all woods must fail

and light shine through the wooded vale.

For your King shall come again.

You will dwell with him and then,

the everlasting songs you'll sing

forever, always with the King.

For he has made the Shadow naught

and triumphed o'er the dark it wrought.

For east or west all woods must fail

and light shine through the wooded vale.

So when you wander near or far,

look up to the Evening Star.

And if you're lost among the trees,

remember that beyond the leaves

open sky and open fields

will forever be revealed.

For east or west all woods must fail

and light shine through the wooded vale.

I wrote this for my Tolkien colloquium. The first part of the first stanza, in quotes, is Tolkien's. I was inspired by that portion of the song and another quote from ROTK.

"There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach."

It's just so easy to look around me and see the darkness that fills this world. But there is light too. And this Light will overcome the darkness.

04:05:06 07/08/09

When I started writing this post it was six seconds after 4:05 on July 8th, 2009. So that is the meaning of my slightly cryptic post title. Anyway, it only happens once every century or something, so it won't happen again anytime soon.

Summer is going well, though of course it is hot, hot, hot. Most days the high is around one hundred, give or take a couple of degrees. Tomorrow it's supposed to get to 105, so that will fun.

We spent the Fourth in Louisiana with my mom's parents. We celebrated their eightieth birthdays and hung out with family. I even set off a couple of fireworks. This is something of an accomplishment for me as I tend to be a little afraid of fire. You should be proud of me for overcoming my fear, even if it is a bit irrational. At least I'm not afraid of ladybugs like someone I know.

It's Probably Broke

Well, it's been an interesting week.

Right now if it's in the Childers' household, it's probably broken. Last week our oven stopped working and the glass in our screen door fell out. The sewing machine is broken and one of the burners in the grill is out. This has all been a bit stressful, but I think we're getting through it okay.

Our week was not completely fraught with disaster. Amara gave me an iPod Touch on Saturday. She was planning to give it to me for Christmas, but decided she just couldn't wait. I'm excited to have one, and to have an iPod that holds a little more of my music.

This weekend Highland put on Bible Times Marketplace. All children and helpers don Israelite costumes and we learn about life in the days of Jesus. My family helps run the scribe shop, but this year I joined a family. For most of the day my kids were the four year olds, though I became a scribe later in the day. It was a lot of fun, and the communion bread we make is always quite tasty.

I moved my bed over to my new house yesterday. We don't have a truck so we went with a slightly unorthodox method. With mattress and box spring piled high atop our CRV we drove slowly to my house, sticking to the alleys. We all stuck a hand out of the windows and latched on, holding the mattress down against the roof. I'm sure we looked like a bunch of loonies.

Saving A Life

Well, I saved a life yesterday. All in a good days work, you know? I suppose I should explain. I work in the Interlibrary Loan office at ACU. Yesterday morning my boss received a frantic phone call from a hospital librarian. I emailed the article to the hospital as emergency request. I found out that afternoon that the hospital wanted an article that only ACU has. They said the information would help save a boy's life. My boss heard from the hospital later in the day that the article helped and boy is okay. So we did good!

That's about the extent of my excitement these days. I'm spending most of my day at work in the library. I now work on all three floors.

I did have some good fun last week. I headed off with Dava Lynn Sullivan to New Beginnings Camp near Tyler, TX. It was a great week, I learned a lot and I came home exhausted. I had thirteen preschoolers for most of the day, and two for the entire day. I was a stand-in mom for a week for Dava Lynn, who is the camp director. Her boys are sweet, though sometimes the two-year-old is a bit of a stinker. I'll write more about my camp experiences later, as it was a great thing.

Since I last posted my baby sister has graduated from high school. Obviously she's not a baby anymore, but it's still crazy to think she'll be at ACU with me next year.

My family also got a new dog. She's a beautiful Australian Shepherd mix that the Reese family had to give up as they head to Thailand. Java will follow you around the house and slide up under your hand. If you don't pet her, she will lick and nudge your hand until you do. Anyway, she's a hoot and we already love her tons.

The kids before Amara' graduation

Java likes to shake, one of her few tricks

My City

I can't believe it, but I'm posting from House 10 once again. I'm overjoyed to be in Oxford right now, as it is one of my most favourite places on earth. I don't want to leave, but we only have two days here. Ah well. I will make do with what I have and try to live these days to their fullest.

We've had a busy, but fun, time these past few days. We spent several days in Paris and a couple in Birmingham. Today we wandered around Cambridge and now I'm back in my city, my second home.

We'll head back home in just a few days, but my adventure in Europe has been wonderful. Hopefully I'll write more later and maybe even post some pictures. So you should look forward to that!

Another Full Summer

I just finished watching the season finale of Lost. And oh my, I’m ready for the next season. I can’t believe we have to wait until 2010 for the next episode. It’s a crazy show and I’m anxious to see how everything will come together. This last season did answer a lot of questions, which was good, but it also managed to raise even more.

It’s been an interesting semester. A lot happened and once again, I grew a lot. I managed to shoot my 4.0, which of course I can never get back. Thankfully this does take a lot of pressure off in the next two years. I also successfully (or at least somewhat successfully) completed the Greek requirement for my degree. We’ll just have to wait and see if I go on to Hebrew or not.

I was told early in the year that perhaps 2008 was my year. That was a bit disconcerting, since I still had something like 11 months left to go in this year. However, now that 2009 is halfway over, I realize that this is a pretty amazing year as well. In June I’ll be going to a camp with one of my amazing Huddle leaders and working with the preschoolers. I’m extremely excited for this opportunity and am so glad that it was offered to me.

Additionally, as a result of a very generous friend, I’m about to make a trip to Europe. Now, this was something that was not even on my radar screen until a few weeks ago. However my best friend invited me to accompany her to Paris in just a short while. We’ll spend several days in France as a well as few days in England.

My only regret? I'll miss the Preakness Stakes this Saturday. I normally back the winner of the Kentucky Derby, always hoping for a Triple Crown winner. However, this time I'm rooting for Rachel Alexandra, a talented filly who didn't run in the Derby. So go get 'em, girl!

My next big adventure is just around the corner, and it’s been a good distraction from the end of the semester. While I’m overjoyed that classes are over, I already miss all of my friends. Three months is a long time to be apart. I've grown really close to some amazing people and I'm excited to see what next year will hold for all of us.

I'm Glad that God Made

When I was growing up, my parents used to sing to us once we were in bed. This is a song that Dad sang a lot. We had to fill in the second line of each verse to rhyme with the first line. I was singing this simple song today as I watched the sunset. The glowing silvery-yellow of the sky turned to a pulsing magenta as the sun sank below the horizon.

I’m glad that God made, the sun in the sky
And I’m glad that God made, birds that can fly
I’m glad that God made the cool April breeze
And I’m glad that God made green, leafy trees

But I’m gladdest of all that God made me
I’m gladdest of all that God made me
I’m gladdest of all because you see
He made me like Him

Motions

I've been thinking and praying about a lot of things lately and realizing some areas in my life that are lacking. I haven't put God first this semester. Schoolwork and hanging out with friends has come first. I think that because my priorities have been screwed up, everything else has been as well. Once I turn myself fully to God, other things can fall into place.

This may be hard for some people to understand. I explained it to someone who doubted a bit because she looks at me and the way I'm living my life and thinks I'm doing just fine. I go to church every Sunday and I help out in the four-year-old class every Wednesday. I gave up facebook for Lent, and do countless other things. I'm even a majoring in Bible.

But here's the secret: it's all sort of a facade. I'm messed up on the inside. I don't read my Bible every day and I'm more apt to worry over something incessantly than lay it prayerfully before God. This is all hard for me to admit; it's hard for me to take the mask off and reveal what's inside. It's also hard because with my admission comes the obligation of change. As long as I keep everything to myself, no one knows I have a problem.

I know I'm not a horrible person, but I also know that I am failing at a lot of things right now. I need to realign my life, and that's my goal for this summer. I've heard a song by Matthew West playing on the radio fairly frequently. It's really struck me and his words ring true. Internally I have a whole lot of work to do. I know it's not going to be easy, but I must change.

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?

Let me share with you a scene I bear witness to almost every night. As I get ready for bed - washing my face, checking the weather for the next day, looking at my news feed - my roommate sits on her bed with her Bible. Before she goes to bed each night, JoAnna immerses herself in the word of the Lord. I want to do that; I need to allow God to guide me through His word. I'm so thankful for JoAnna and the example that she's been to me.

Helpless

I'm a little ashamed to say that I feel so helpless without my trusty computer. Of course, I had to relinquish it because it stopped being quite so trusty. In fact, it was flat-out unpredictable. Yesterday, after a couple months of aggravation, my Dad dropped my laptop off at the Apple store in Dallas.

Wow, have I really been without my laptop for only one day?

I never realized quite how attached I am to that thing. I do almost everything on my computer. It's how I communicate, how I do research, how I write papers, how I look at the weather, how I find out news. It's also how I goof off. I know, without a doubt, that it will be good for me to go this week without a keyboard constantly beneath my fingers. It will be so tough, but so good. This week will be my final week off of Facebook. I decided to fast from Facebook for Lent, and I now have seven days left. Going without an easily accessible computer for a week can only help me in the long run.

Until I get my laptop back I will have to make-do with hurried trips to the computer lab or the library. But you know what? I think I can do it.

April Fool's

Sadly I didn't pull off any wonderful April Fool's pranks today. Dad, however, was once again a target. His entire office was wrapped in paper. I can't believe those ingenious, I mean reprobate, students stayed up and wrapped each book individually. I can tell you right now, my dad has a lot of books.

Of course, Jesus' face could not be covered up. He is the one thing in the room that was not covered.





This semester I've been volunteering at church in the four-year-old's class. I absolutely love it and look forward to it every week. I really enjoy just playing with these kids and learning with them. A couple of weeks ago we we read the story of the prodigal son. Our teacher asked how the father felt when his son ran away. One little girl shouted out "God". What a classic answer!

Oh Oxford, I Miss You

I'm not sure that a day has gone by when I haven't though of Oxford at least once. This week I've missed it even more than usual. Perhaps it's because we had our Study Abroad photo awards night. Perhaps it's because our group got together again for dinner. Regardless, I miss England a lot right now.

Just a sunny day in University Parks. Oh Oxford, I miss you.

I went home today with some friends for a fantastic lunch. Mom made enchiladas, Dad made pico de guillo and we had cheesecake for desert. It was wonderful. 

But now I suppose I really must get back to my exegesis paper. Oh joy!

Not Much to Say

I suppose I just haven't had much to say lately. I've had no deep spiritual experiences on which to reflect, or anything of that sort. However, all of that is not really a good excuse for going an entire month without a single post.

I haven't been very good at this blogging thing this semester. One of my New Years' resolutions was to continue blogging. I just haven't done a very good job of this. It's much more difficult to do this when I don't have exciting trips to write about. No one really needs updates on my daily activities, so I suppose this blog is just for me once again.

Just as I did last year, I have decided to fast from Facebook for Lent. It's incredibly difficult and not particularly pleasant. This difficulty simply evidences my dependence on Facebook and reaffirms my thoughts that I may need to back away from it for a while.

Faces

Disclaimer: this is not how I feel about myself. It is, however, what I think the world is telling us.

Faces
Stare out at me
From windexed windows
Eyes following me as I pass
Staring down at my feet
Avoiding pallid glances
I briskly trot on by
Afraid that those eyes might see
Might comprehend
That I can never
And I am scared
So scared that I cower
Before unseeing eyes
And unresponsive limbs
Of lifeless images
On glossy pages
Flaunting clothes and curves
That I will never have
And because of that
I will never be enough

A Sunset's Display

Pictures so often fail to capture the true essence of a moment. Nowhere do I find this to be more true than when the sky is lit up with the fiery hues of a sunset. A couple of days ago JoAnna and I stepped outside to beautiful sunset. We snapped a couple of pictures, none of which adequately portray the colours that were present. The clouds were not a dusty rose, but a fiery orange.

What struck me was when I turned around less than a minute later and the clouds were simply grey again. Why do such wonderful moments fade so fast? It often seems that the best moments in life pass so quickly, while suffering drags on in a long and drawn-out crawl. I am not dwelling on these difficult times right now, but noting the quick passage of the exceptionally good ones. Good times must come to an end, making room for new things, often better things. Nevertheless, it's hard to watch good things run their course, sinking beyond the horizon in a final display of brilliance.



I'm thankful right now that I'm not in class. A cold snap has left our roads sheeted in ice. With such hazardous conditions, of course classes had to be canceled for the day. I love the cold weather and right now it's about 21 degrees outside. In fact, it's not going to get above freezing today! All of this means beautiful icy trees, turtlenecks and no bowling test.

Language of Hugs

I've never been a huge fan of hugs. They can be so awkward, especially when you don't know the person all that well. I'm never sure if I should hug a person, or just say hi.

Much to my initial chagrin, the past couple of days have been filled with hugs. However, as a result I have decided that I like hugs. Hugs are a sort of language of their own. You can tell so much about a person and about a relationship based on the hug. A quick pat on the back. A hug that knocks you backward a few steps. A hug you don't want to ever end. Most of my hugs this week have been good hugs, hugs that reunite people.

Now I find myself hugging people that I perhaps never would have hugged before. And you know what? I love it. When I'm engulfed in the arms of someone I love, the world just seems right.

Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you. ~ Jacques Prévert

Another Semester

Today classes began. I’m one day into the semester and right now everything feels so strange. It doesn’t feel like classes should be starting yet. My classroom should be downstairs, just below my bedroom. When I eat in the “new” Bean I feel as if I’m at a new school. Yet to all but a few of us, this is not so new anymore.

I definitely had culture shock coming back to the States in a way that I didn’t heading to England. Things just feel sort of off. It doesn’t help that I’m rooming with someone from Oxford and I have pictures of my semester strung across my bulletin board. Already I’m finding myself waiting for Erin and Katherine to come back to our room.

I have seen the majority of the people from our group. I am overjoyed every time, and hugs are exchanged all around. When I think about it, this is very interesting. I mean, on a campus of four thousand, what are the chances that I would run into these thirty people.

Anyway, on to something a little different than study abroad. My classes today went fairly well. I think I’m really going to enjoy my Christianity in Culture class. I was, however, surprised to know less than half of the people in there since it’s a major’s section. I figured that I’d at least recognize most of them from last year.

Finally I’m so excited to room with JoAnna this semester. So far it’s been great and I think that we’ll have an awesome four months.


Yep, we're pretty hardcore

Short People

This is just a taste of what I go through on a regular basis in my home. Lately this seems to be my dad's and brother's favourite song. Credit to Randy Newman for crushing the souls of short people around the world.

Personally, I think short people are the absolute best


Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Round here

Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
And they stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here


So he's a little taller than me

New Beginnings

So, my first post of the new year.

Every time that I get onto facebook (incidentally a far too common occurrence) I see people preparing to study abroad this semester. To be honest, this is hard for me. I desperately want to go back to Oxford. Already I miss walking through town in a light drizzle or stopping off in University Parks and lounging on the green lawns. I miss running over to On the Hoof for a hot panini. I miss strolling down cobblestone streets.



This semester is going to feel so strange. It’s difficult to adjust to the differences. I spent last semester going to class in the same house that I was living in. Every single class had the same people in it, and these were the people with whom I was living and traveling and cooking.

I’m still adjusting to the different pace of life over here. I keep asking for tap water in restaurants. It’s only when I’m given a funny look that I remember it’s ice water over here. I forget that shops are open way past five. I feel like I should walk to church.

As cheesy at it sounds, this is a time of new beginnings. I have been away from campus for eight months. It stands to reason that things are different. I am different.

I’ve started a new job in the library, working in Interlibrary Loans. So far I have enjoyed it, but I’ve only been into work twice.

This is also a time for me to explore my options for the future. Right now I have no idea what I will be doing after graduation. In all likelihood I will change my major, though to what I do not yet know.


My doggy is so happy to see me :D


Gladwyn and me