Motions

I've been thinking and praying about a lot of things lately and realizing some areas in my life that are lacking. I haven't put God first this semester. Schoolwork and hanging out with friends has come first. I think that because my priorities have been screwed up, everything else has been as well. Once I turn myself fully to God, other things can fall into place.

This may be hard for some people to understand. I explained it to someone who doubted a bit because she looks at me and the way I'm living my life and thinks I'm doing just fine. I go to church every Sunday and I help out in the four-year-old class every Wednesday. I gave up facebook for Lent, and do countless other things. I'm even a majoring in Bible.

But here's the secret: it's all sort of a facade. I'm messed up on the inside. I don't read my Bible every day and I'm more apt to worry over something incessantly than lay it prayerfully before God. This is all hard for me to admit; it's hard for me to take the mask off and reveal what's inside. It's also hard because with my admission comes the obligation of change. As long as I keep everything to myself, no one knows I have a problem.

I know I'm not a horrible person, but I also know that I am failing at a lot of things right now. I need to realign my life, and that's my goal for this summer. I've heard a song by Matthew West playing on the radio fairly frequently. It's really struck me and his words ring true. Internally I have a whole lot of work to do. I know it's not going to be easy, but I must change.

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?

Let me share with you a scene I bear witness to almost every night. As I get ready for bed - washing my face, checking the weather for the next day, looking at my news feed - my roommate sits on her bed with her Bible. Before she goes to bed each night, JoAnna immerses herself in the word of the Lord. I want to do that; I need to allow God to guide me through His word. I'm so thankful for JoAnna and the example that she's been to me.